I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
