last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
