i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
