hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hippo gnu deer
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
