You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
