I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How does one acquire holy water?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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