I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
