Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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