whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
