The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
