Apparently you make a good broom.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
