Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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