I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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