Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
