i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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