she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
