You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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