I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
