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Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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