it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
