I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
