Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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