I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
