so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
