just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
