Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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