My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
