he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
