Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
