Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
