Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
