I'm so fucking centered right now
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
