genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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