i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
