hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
