I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize