I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
