do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
