So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
