bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
