I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
