did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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