after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she smelled like a LAN party
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
