So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
