That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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