How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
