So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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