She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
