yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
