well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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