Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
