Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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