She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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