If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize