I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
