so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
