She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize