Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
