Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
