The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
