she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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