I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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