I seem to have left my pride at pride
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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