He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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