This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
