LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
