Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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