I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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