What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
