Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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