Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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