Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
