haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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