Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
