Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
